"The brain is a feeling machine that thinks, not a thinking machine that feels."
The Human BRAIN
Boys brains are hard wired for doing-
Girls brains are hard wired for talking-
What does that mean for an educator?
Boys genuinely do not understand feelings. They need "think time" to process discipline. We can provide them a quiet place to sit (preferably in a rocking chair,so they are engaged in movement) with a glass of water to dilute Cortisol-the stress hormone.
When it's time to talk about the event, take a walk while having a conversation. A boy is more likely to talk when they're engaged in an activity.
EMOTIONS
Boys are usually emotionally illiterate- they cannot identify, recognize, or name emotions.
They cannot decipher situations or behaviors that cause certain feelings.
The less they understand--- the more they fall prey.
What does that mean for an educator?
Teachers should help students (boys) develop a "Feeling-Word Thesaurus". Teaching these feeling synonyms directly, which can be used during writing and character sketches, can also provide a base for their own feelings. (Thesauruses are excellent tools for use by the principal & counselor.)
"Feeling Word Thesaurus"---(examples)
Feeling Powerful: aware, proud, respected
Feeling Peaceful: content, thankful, secure
Feeling Joyful: happy, playful, excited
Feeling Scared: afraid, frightened, trapped
Feeling Sad: tired, depressed, bored
Feeling Mad: angry, upset, hateful
ANGER IS A BOY'S DEFAULT EMOTION.
When they're hurt- they are mad.
When they're embarrassed- they are mad.
When they're sad- they are mad.
(On a personal note, I am the mother of a son. My home is usually packed with boys. As I type this I am at an athletic event with 5 boys (including my son) aged 10-16. To experiment, I asked the boys to provide me with synonyms for the feeling words- "powerful, peaceful, and joyful". I said,"suppose you feel powerful...what's another way to say that?" (Cue crickets) My son finally, responded and he was only able to give one word answers. Two of the boys said, "I don't understand!" I attempted to explain but was met with blank stares. I then asked for feeling words associated with "mad" and immediately they all began to respond, "p-o'd", "angry", "destructive", etc. MAD was the only feeling they related to. I was amazed at their lack of intuitiveness. ALL of these boys are in the top of their classes,making "A's" and "B's.")
SHAME-
Boys will do just about anything to avoid feeling shame.
Guilt results from doing but Shame results from being who you are.
Educators must be aware of what cause a boy shame so as to be sensitive to his needs.
RISK TAKING-
To prove he is just as strong as others, a boy takes risk-- to avoid shame.
This manifests itself through drug and alcohol use, being in a gang, bullying, and even committing a crime.
Consequences include trouble at school but also serious legal consequences.
ABUSE & TRAUMA-
Abused children are 25% more likely to suffer delinquency, low academics, mental health issues, and drug use.
Abused and neglected children are 11 times more likely to be arrested as juveniles.
When you are a victim of physical or mental abuse, you quickly learn the power of control and manipulation-- because they keep you safe.
An awareness of these issues and an understanding of the causes of a boys behavior, makes us better able to meet the needs of boys within a classroom and school setting.
This was not only informative but very easy to read! I love your use of graphics. I think you are correct that we need to keep in mind that boys and girls do have characteristically different behaviors.
ReplyDeleteIn the physical education classroom I experience this 'anger' expression from boys for all emotions. Many many times I am unable to figure out what is truly happening in a situation because of a boys inability to express his emotions. All I get is silence, tears and body language (clossed fist, heavy breathing) that says 'I am mad!' I have learned that the best way to find out what is really the root of the problem is to come at them sideways so to speak. I usually start by distracting them from their emotion by asking them simple yes and no questions to reconstruct the events that led up to the situation. Usually they get so obsorbed in making sure I get all the details right they forget they are mad and are able to eventually express to me what is really wrong-they have hurt feelings or are upset with their friend.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is very important for teachers to be aware of the trouble boys have expressing themselves. If not their silence may be construed as disrespect when in fact they just cannot express what they are feeling.
I love all the color and graphics on your blog! You made some great points about how boys and girls think differently. When educators are aware of these differences between boys and girls, then we can plan better strategies to meet their individual needs.
ReplyDeleteThis was very interesting.I never thought about males not being able to identify and recognize feelings. Also,how they have to sit and process what happened. That makes sense because some of them do the same thing you just told them not to do two minutes later. This could be very helpful in one's personal life.
ReplyDeleteI have not read this chapter yet, but I am looking forward to it based on your discussion. It is so true that regardless of the emotion boys are experiencing, it often comes out in the form of anger. I see this so much among my students.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments!! I agree with Delisa, for sure!! In my personal life I have found that my husband needs days, sometimes to process or contemplate an issue. It has often frustrated me, but NOW I understand why! =) This book is a MUST read for educators but especially us women. We truly think differently and we need to understand and celebrate these differences!
ReplyDeleteI think the "Feeling Words Thesaurus" is something I will use in my classroom. As I was reading this I thought about how it would be great to use with teaching synonyms, tone, and mood, as well as how much it would help students to express themselves.
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